Journal

A Reminder

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A reminder to self: when things are taken away (including this period of social distancing), it is time to appreciate what I have.

More Thoughts On Family Photos

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I take a lot of photos of my daughter. She was born with a camera documenting everything like I was the paparazzi.

There are so many pictures of her throughout the years it is difficult which ones to choose for prints or in a yearbook. I’m trying to balance what photos are important to me and what photos she will treasure. What will she remember when she looks back at them? Oh sure, the exasperation at dad for asking her to pose or document her is real enough now, but will she look back with gratitude?

This makes no difference to me since I am unlikely to change my ways and keep snapping every chance I get.

When the time comes, I want those family photo albums that my mother has curated over the years. As an active child, my young life was a blur. Those photos will help anchor my memories. I can only hope that my daughter will feel the same way.

Perhaps this was clearer and more helpful than my earlier post.

The Music Of My Soul

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“I don’t know why I was born with this belief in something deeper and larger than we can see. But it’s always called. Even as a boy, I knew that trees and light and sky all point to some timeless center out of view. I have spent my
life listening to that center and filtering it through my heart. This listening
and filtering is the music of my soul, of all souls.

After almost fifty years, I’ve run out of ways to name this. Even now,
my heart won’t stand still.”

  • Mark Nepo

Work From Home

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Thanks to the Wuhan virus (COVID-19), I’ll be working from home between 7-45 days. I thought I’d document the start of this with a Polaroid black and white 600 film.

Practice vs. Belief

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I’ve been taking a strong look at two similar but different philosophies recently and want to dive deeper.

Stoicism and Taoism.

I’ve studied, practiced and taught Christianity but these days I have a hard time coming to terms with so many things that I actually don’t know what to think anymore.

I understand the word of God but sometimes it is a difficult concept. It is mysterious, sometimes enigmatic, but not beyond my capability.

I’ve served in a few missionary trips overseas, witnessed modern day Biblical miracles so I’m not divorced from it, and would never call myself an atheist. Spirituality pervades everything I’m involved in, but I don’t know how to put my finger on it.

Studying other schools of thought is permissible, even encouraged. So I will do just that.

Stoicism is a philosophy of personal ethics informed by its system of logic and its views on the natural world.

The truth taught in Taoism is to embrace life in actions that support you as a person.

These philosophies don’t diminish beliefs but enhance by putting them into practical, applicable use.

I can believe in that. I can practice that.

Future Proof

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By the time my child and maybe one day grandchildren, rummage around ole Grandpa Denbow’s digital shoebox of photos left behind after my death, they’ll only be able to view his years of photographic experimentation at a postage-stamp resolution on their 16K screens integrated into their walls.

It’s thoughts like these that make me want to go through a batch of photos and print them all at 4×6, so there’s at least something around to document the era.

But I am behind in this. I still need to organize and then finally print these up.

What more can I do right now that will ensure that my photographs withstand the test of time?

It matters to me right now. Will it matter to them?

Why does this resonate with me so strongly?

Just Do It

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Most people aren’t prepared to start a career in writing. Writing may be a gift in some of us but not all of us. Forming words into sentences and arranging those sentences in such a way as to not be boring can be a real challenge.

At first, I didn’t know what I wanted to write. I just knew I had to do it. I’ve maintained a blog/website for the past twenty years. I just started by sharing my thoughts and feelings. And then moved on to sharing news and ideas with other similarly minded people. In the back of my mind I have always felt like an imposter, or a poser. Self-doubt takes over at the worst moments and the page stays blank. The cursor blinks, waiting on me. Other times the support wasn’t there or you’ve been mocked for your lofty ambitions.

There can be a lot of noise and not enough signal when we finally make the time to sit down and do this thing we want to do. You have finally made time to do it…but the mood wasn’t right and neither was your headspace.

I have had an epic, but incomplete novel in my head for twenty-eight years. With little progress, frustration is real. Someone I loved suggested I start small, a short story perhaps. You can challenge yourself as I have to micro fiction: 100 word stories are challenging!

Maybe we can start with non-fiction. With research and facts already out there, it should be easier to formulate thoughts and opinions around that.

Either way, it is time to start writing. The words you put down today is better than the words you didn’t write yesterday.

When I first acquire a new camera, I don’t bother with the instruction manual. I don’t want to follow the rules of composition in photography so why would I wait to follow the rules of composing a piece of writing?

Nike had it exactly right- just do it

The Experience

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When I first started practicing meditation recently, I thought it was to make me more calm. Then it was to make me less reactive. Then to make me less attached to things.

These things can happen if I do this regularly. But I also want to focus on the experience itself.

Feeling my breath as it flows in and out, the sensations. My mind typically wanders and I notice it. Then I come back to it with focus. Five seconds or even five minutes of distraction occurs before I come back to the focus on the breathing. you keep coming back, even if you’re sidetracked for 5 minutes.
My mind gets in the way. That’s what the mind does after all. It thinks, it wanders with the day’s upcoming activities, yesterday’s regrets and daydreaming.

We label things and feelings as happy, unpleasant or idiotic. We judge if something is good or bad. We judge if people are good or bad or idiotic. Anxiousness, anticipation, fantasy, worry, doubt, excitement and more. The mind’s commentary is amazing…and distracting.

To re-focus I’ll deliberately start to notice sensations such as light or sounds, the pang of hunger. This brings me back to the experience- without labels or judgements. I start to relax and enjoy the experience for what it is. It isn’t good or bad, it just is. Nothing needs to be done, nothing needs changing. Just be curious and ask what is this like right now?

This practice of experiencing meditation and breathing translates to life as it currently is as well. I can accept it easier. If I can learn to approach life the same way, my experience of peace, happiness, calm and focus, then how much better would my life become?

Keep Calm And Carry On

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With all the distractions going on during these current events (Wuhan virus) it can be difficult to focus on anything else.

However, I believe doing what we do best can be very beneficial. By creating and doing the things we enjoy, it will help us stay positive, and to stay focused.

By creating and doing, it may be positive for others as a pleasant distraction from those same current events. What we create and if we choose to share could be helpful to those around us. We need more pleasant and meaningful distractions. We need more ideas, art, stories as uplifting and inspirational input instead of the depressing and sensational news out there.

Situations like these make us realize how small the world can be and how connected we are to each other.

Instead of avoiding creativity, embrace it. Share it. I’ll be sharing more of my thoughts and more of my photography. I choose not to get caught up by world crisis.

Keep calm and share on.