Have I finally discovered how far down the rabbit hole actually goes with a loud thud when I am at the bottom of it?
Maybe.
Maybe I’ve hit the bottom, or maybe I’ve just hit a ledge. Either way, the echo from that thud is telling me something I am not understanding yet.
This isn’t burnout. It’s not disinterest. I haven’t run out of ideas, I have ran out of the feeling that makes ideas compelling. Sometimes, I run out of time.
What is an over-curious mind to do?
I suppose I could sit here at the impact zone instead of clawing my way back up yet. Hitting the bottom is not the same as reaching the depth of the rabbit hole. Maybe there is a door that could lead somewhere else, anywhere else. Perhaps there is a side tunnel I must have missed. Is there a ladder that needs climbing?
The need to figure it out right now is part of what’s keeping me stuck. I don’t have to know what’s next. BUT I DO.
If I have really discovered how far the rabbit hole goes, then perhaps I wasn’t meant to fall forever.
Maybe the next step isn’t down, it’s out. Maybe I’ve explored everything here and it’s time to find somewhere new. Is this frustrating or liberating? Unclear.
I am amazed at how fluctuating my mind can get. One week I am all in on a variety of topics, frustrated I cannot act on them due to time constraints. Suddenly when some free time opens up, the brain shuts off and says “wut?”
That’s the paradox of a restless mind. When you’re busy, the ideas swarm, crash, demand attention but when there is a free moment the ideas vanish like smoke. It’s maddening. It’s like your brain only wants what it can’t have.
Wait… is that a flicker in the dark? Why is there a single breadcrumb in the dirt over there, followed by another one down that way?
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